So it's a good day in part, and a bad day in another way.

I'm deathly ill. I can't seem to cool off. I've been sweating since I went to bed, and before that, I was freezing cold. Neat trick, yes? And I'm missing two pretty big tests to sit here and sweat out a fever. Great fun either way.

The good news, however, is that I now have a new job. I start the 31st. I'm gonna be working with the YMCA to take care of little butt-munches. I'm excited. And I just found out I got another scholarship through Truman, so that's pretty fantastic.

I love Across the Universe.

My idiot boyfriend was supposed to come take care of me... oh... four hours ago. Yeah, no, never showed. Rawr.

My mom just showed me a story from Kansas about a woman who stayed on her boyfriend's toilet for two years. Her skin grew around the seat. I just... what do you say to that?

Lean on, Sheena!
She leans on me a lot.
Hold on, hold on,
hold on to what you've got.

I almost feel like Saad doesn't miss me anymore. He hasn't emailed me for a long time. For a while, that was a priority. And last night, when I called him, he sounded horrifically bored. Or maybe not? Maybe he was just glad I'd called, comfortable with me.

Do you think absence makes the heart develop Alzheimer's? My heart, and his, certainly are fonder... when they remember the other heart they're supposed to be fond of. The other day, I couldn't remember his face without recalling a photograph. I wanted to see him in my mind, see him blink, for god's sake, without the aid of a damned photograph. But I couldn't. I told my mom, and she told me to close my eyes and imagine his eyes, imagine the way his face lights up when he's in a very good mood. And I did. I pictured that stupid look he gets on his face when he's... dude, I don't even know what he's doing when he makes that face. Mock excitement? lol I don't even know. It's a really stupid, really funny face, though. Then I started crying and I couldn't make myself stop. After that, his face hasn't left me again, but that was alarming.

20 days. Two weeks, six days. I leave for a really great vacation tomorrow, and so I won't be so miserable, hopefully. And then when I come home, it'll be 12 days. One week, five days. I can handle that. That's tangible.

I envy Talha's circle of best friends. His littler circle, anyway. Nic and Brittany and KK. I have the exact same circle, but we've been apart for a long time. That's why I'm envious. Neal and Megan and Saad. We're all so great together. But with Saad gone, it's weird... does that make sense? I don't know, maybe we'd feel bad hanging out together without Waddy Saady. Oh lord. I just know things will be a lot better for me when he comes home.

Heise, you are my xanga inspiration. lol.

My mom is being a paranoid pain because of our trip tomorrow. And she's not going to sleep tonight due to nerves and neurosis. This should be fun. Oh dear. The trip will be fun after we've been there for a day. Bam.

I want to leave the country, though.

Okay, I need to go pick out clothes, and things to do, and I need to write again. I've been trying to write every day.

Oh, and I made puppy chow yesterday. Yeah, I know. First time ever. And my whole family looked at me when I presented them with the bag and said, "... That's for dogs."

Okay, no.